just a *t h o r n* in my side

The sun was setting, and all seemed calm. A lithe and delicate-seeming frame was outlined against the horizon, with spraying water to their other side. The cat sitting atop a rock was a pale brown with darker browns streaking though her soft pelt. It was a beautiful scene, one that someone might want to capture for eternity. For Thorn, though, it was anything but serene. It was anything from beautiful or calm, or anything else happy. It was hell.

“Go. Away,” she hissed through clenched teeth. Listen to us. Thorn wanted them to go away, but they never did. Those stupid voices. We can help you. “You’re not fucking real!” she screamed. Laughter. They were laughing at her? How dare they. If we’re not real, then why are you imagining us? Believe us, we’re very, very, real… Why wouldn’t they just leave her the hell alone?

“And anyway, you guys never help me. You always give me bad advice. You’re trying to kill me.” Thorn stared at the water, and wished that she could become water. Water doesn’t have a mind, or ears, so it wouldn’t be able to hear these annoying little fucks. We don’t want to kill you… Well, maybe we do, but can you blame us? The chorus of echoing voices was giving Thorn a headache. “Yeah, I can blame you,” she stated, annoyed. Her green eyes were alight with anger and frustration. The voices were really starting to piss her off. Why? You’re a royal pain in the ass that we have to deal with. Thorn laughed, and it echoed off of rocks and falling water. “That you have to deal with? Now that’s funny.”

Well, we’re sorry to inconvenience you, they commented sarcastically. But it’s not our fault that we’re stuck in your mind. We didn’t chose to be sent here. Thorn bit back a comment. Perhaps if she stopped replying to them, they’d shut the hell up. Thorn? She ignored them. Thorn, listen to us! Thorn ignored them again, and they finally shut up. The brown she-cat could finally enjoy the serenity of the scene before her…

just a *t h o r n* in my side

Thorn looked up sharply, seeing an unfamiliar cat. The scent was male, and the voice belonged to a smallish black cat. She blinked, for she hadn’t heard him. “Damn voices…” she muttered under her breath. “Hello there!” she called back. The water was quite loud. “The water is loud, if you intend upon speaking with me, wouldn’t the obvious choice be to come closer?” We don’t like him, the voices commented bitterly. “No one asked you,” she hissed. “And anyway, if you don’t like him, even more reason for me to, right?” She raised her voice for Sonnie to hear. “Please, do come closer. I’d enjoy chatting with you.”

Thorn cast her green gaze about, looking at the slippery rocks between her and the black-grey tom. They were covered in a bright green moss, matching her eyes. You do have quite pretty eyes, they commented. Thorn rolled her eyes. Although you do tend to roll them quite a bit. We think that you take them for granted, those pretty eyes, you do. Perhaps it’d be best if we took them out and gave them to a more deserving cat? “Shut the hell up. Once again, no one asked you.” Thorn looked back at Sonnie. She liked being around other cats, they made her feel much more sane. They also helped to quiet the voices a bit. That was always nice.

just a *t h o r n* in my side

Thorn shrugged slightly. “Well, most don’t enjoy my company… They all think I’m a tad too odd for their tastes… I don’t blame them, though,” she said under her breath. She could tell that the voices were surprised. So we finally agree on something? Thorn shook her head slightly. She didn’t want Sonnie to think that she was a freak, talking to herself. She already knew that she was the only one who could hear the voices, that they were her own private torturers. She was alone in this. “But I’m not awful lonely, though. I find ways to keep from being that.” Thorn tried to meet Sonnie’s eyes, but the seemed fixated on point that was on her face, but not her eyes.

“Most don’t like looking into my eyes, either. They claim that it’s like there’s something in there other than just me.” She paused. “Not that there is anything in here that isn’t me. That would just be weird…” Thorn trailed off. Although she did enjoy having Sonnie’s company, she was unsure of what to do. Thorn was never really good with the whole “socializing” concept, especially after they showed up. Thorn sighed. We wouldn’t be surprised if he turned tail and fled from you, you freak. “Truthfully,” Thorn murmured, “I agree.”

just a *t h o r n* in my side

“You don’t seem that different from most cats,” Thorn commented. “You seem perfectly normal to me. Although,” she remarked, “I’m not one to judge someone’s level of normality…” Thorn looked out over the water, now reflecting a dark light, instead of the gorgeous red it had previously been. She looked back at Sonnie, concern invading her green eyes. “I… I never knew your mother… I’ve no idea what it is that your mother did, if that’s much comfort to you. So, the only person I see is you. I wouldn’t understand it if there wasn’t anyone else in you and I saw them. Now me, that’s a totally different story…” she murmured.

Thorn’s green gaze had wandered again to the water. Dim pinpoints of light appearing and were washed away by the large ripple that the rushing water formed. She glanced up at the sky to see stars beginning to appear, bright in the crisp night air. “My mind?” she whispered, barely audible. Thorn turned her eyes back to Sonnie again and smiled bitterly. “Too much. There’s too much going on in there, and it’s driving me insane…” She cast her gaze down to her paws and bit her lip. Crying won’t do you much good, Thorn, they whispered in a sing-song voice. It was too late though. The tears had begun to flow already. It had been so long since Thorn had last cried.

“I… I think that I’ve probably already gone insane. If I hadn’t then they wouldn’t be in my head, would they?” Thorn’s legs crumpled beneath her, and she could no longer stand, or even sit up. She turned her gaze upwards, to the stars. “You’ve heard stories, right? About cats that live up in the skies and have special powers and whatnot? Wanna know why I don’t think that they exist? If they did, why would they let us suffer like this?” Thorn looked again at Sonnie. “If they did, why do they let us suffer in silence and not do anything about it? The drowning… Why won’t they do anything about that?” Thorn found the strength to stand. “And if they do exist, I don’t like them.”

just a *t h o r n* in my side

Thorn blinked in surprise as Sonnie’s paw brushed against her face, wiping away the tears that flowed. She looked at him, confusion clouding her pure green eyes and listened to his little speech. She found herself dumbstruck. Never before had anyone been so kind to Thorn, except maybe Silence, but even then, he had never said it out loud. His kindness was always just there. But Sonnie…

The voices were stunned into silence as well, baffled by the thought that anyone would say something so sweet and kind to her. “I… I…” Thorn groped for words, but all of her eloquence left her, all of her lovely little phrases and words, all of them disappeared. “That’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s said to me in… in forever…” A small smile flitted across her face. “And by far the sweetest.” She felt her face grow hot under her fur.

“But… but you’re wrong. Nothing ends happily. Not ever. There’s just no…” Thorn choked on her words; she knew she would be kicking herself for saying this later. “No way. I’m… I’m sorry…” Thorn turned from Sonnie and began to walk across the mossy rocks, then jumped across the small stream. “I’m sorry Sonnie!” she called as she fled. She wasn’t able to handle this. It was just too much, too fast. She was not able to handle kindness well. Hate and abusiveness was easy to deal with, but the niceness that was Sonnie, it was just…

It was too pure and good for her. She would sully him, for he was a good cat. Her leaving was for his benefit. ’It would be best for us not to meet again,’ she thought, ’but knowing fate, we will. Please don't stop me,’ she begged silently. 'If you know what's good for you, please don't stop me.'